Log Cabin Chicago Blog

Change the hearts and minds of your loved ones this holiday season 

In preparation for the holidays, and to insure that my partner, Fred could attend our Thankgiving Holiday celebration, I felt compelled to come out to Grandma.  Grandma still hosts a few family get-togethers every  year, which is quite an accomplishment since she’s approaching 83 years old.

I battled for a long time on this issue, is it necessary? will she even understand? won’t it just cause unnecessary conflict? Couldn’t I just refer to Fred as “my friend.” And let people interpret our relationship as they wish?

Well, I decided that ambiguity would be dishonest, and unproductive. No doubt we’d play this uncomfortable game of talking around the issue, Fred and I would be forced to spread little white lies, in front of other family members that are already familiar with our relationship. That would just be uncomfortable for too many people, and for such little benefit.

Grandma was “shocked,” not upset or angry, just surprised.  Some statements, she made, or questions she asked included:

• “But you came from such a good family…”
• “Will you ever change?”
• “So now, no one will carry on the family name?”
• “But you dated Rebecca…” <ex-girlfriend during high school>
• “Who else knows?” <she then when though a litany of questions on this topic…does “he” know, shes “she” know, do “they” know…it was pretty funny>
• “Well, I won’t tell anyone…”
• “Have you talked to a priest?”
• “Do you still go to church?”
• “Is he Catholic?”
• “Is he taller than you?”
• “What kind of car does he drive?”
• “Is he coming to dinner?”

I found most of the questions funny, because in every instance of coming out to friends and family hardly any of the above questions were asked…younger people didn’t care about the effect this would have on my relationship with my church, no body promised to “not tell anyone,” no body offered the illusion that gay people come from bad families, and no body asked what kind of car my boyfriend drives.

So what was accomplished?

• My grandma now has a more complete idea of who I am, btw I’m her favorite grandson and probably grandchild, but don’t tell my sister ; - I’m probably still her favorite.)
•  I rattled some stereotypes and her misconceptions:
  • Gay people can come from good families
  • Gay people can start a family
  • Gay people can still have a healthy faith life
  • Gay people can associate and don’t necessarily face rejection from from people who are perceived as Religious
  • Gay people can at one time in their life be perceived as gay, and practice straight tendencies
  • Gay people can be tall and drive nice cars (Fred for both)

I watched her prick her finger, measure her glucose level, as she wrestles with the possible onset of Diabetes. I listened to her complain about prescription costs. We watched I Love Lucy and the News.  She asked, “Who are you going for?” referring to the next primary election, I said “Probably him” referring to Giuliani. 

Now she knows that Gay people can also be Republican.